Anxiety robs me of my peace. It comes from forgetting that I am not in control. The moments when I have been most deeply in touch with God are those moments when I have been able to embrace my utter poverty. When I accept my poverty, my total dependence on God, I become vulnerable and God can more easily reach me because I’m not busy resisting being reached. When I am not resisting my poverty, I can more easily experience God in other people also, for I am more willing to allow them to minister to me. I am able to sit at their feet.
Until we learn to sit at one another’s feet, we will starve at our lavish banquet tables. (Macrina Wiederkehr)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone, and give you a heart of flesh...this land that was laid to waste has become like the garden of Eden...I the Lord have rebuilt what was destroyed and have replanted what was desolate. I the Lord have spoken, and I will do it. Ezekiel 36:25-26
Shake off your dust, rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive daughter of Zion. Isaiah 52:2
"Sooner or later you figure out life is constructed specifically and brilliantly to squeeze a man into association with the Owner of heaven. It is a struggle, with labor pains and thorny landscape, bloody hands and a sweaty brow, head in hands, moments of severe loneliness and questioning, moments of ache and desire. All this leads to God.[...] Life is a dance toward God, I begin to think. And the dance is not so graceful as we might want. While we glide and swing our practiced sway, God crowds our feet, bumps our toes, and scuffs our shoes. So we learn to dance with the One who made us. And it is a difficult dance to learn because its steps are foreign." (Donald Miller- Through Painted Deserts)
God is in the business of relentlessly pursuing rebels like me and He comes after me not to angrily strip away my freedom but to affectionately strip away my slavery so I might become truly free.
Shake off your dust, rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive daughter of Zion. Isaiah 52:2
"Sooner or later you figure out life is constructed specifically and brilliantly to squeeze a man into association with the Owner of heaven. It is a struggle, with labor pains and thorny landscape, bloody hands and a sweaty brow, head in hands, moments of severe loneliness and questioning, moments of ache and desire. All this leads to God.[...] Life is a dance toward God, I begin to think. And the dance is not so graceful as we might want. While we glide and swing our practiced sway, God crowds our feet, bumps our toes, and scuffs our shoes. So we learn to dance with the One who made us. And it is a difficult dance to learn because its steps are foreign." (Donald Miller- Through Painted Deserts)
God is in the business of relentlessly pursuing rebels like me and He comes after me not to angrily strip away my freedom but to affectionately strip away my slavery so I might become truly free.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Overcoming barriers
In order to be people who are "full of grace," we must take great care to eliminate all barriers that stand between the real Jesus and people's false impressions of Him.
Ghandi was once asked why he had rejected Christ. His answer was, "It is not Christ I reject, it is your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
I ran across an article that a mom wrote about her daughter who works at a local diner. She talked about how Sunday's were notoriously her daughter's lowest tip day by far. The mom wasn't necessarily complaining about her daughter not getting much in tips but was merely pointing out the fact that Christians aren't generous.
I'm speaking equally to myself as I write this, convicted by the fact that I often make the excuse of being a college student as the reason why I am not a generous tipper. This is just one small example but it is these daily decisions and actions that reveal our hearts and reflect who or what it is that we really worship. How often I find myself hoarding "my money" when really money is just a tool and resource God has graciously given me to use for His glory. It isn't really mine but you wouldn't know that looking at the way I chose to spend (or not spend) it. Every decision, every tip, every conversation should be used to make much of Him.
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:4-5
Ghandi was once asked why he had rejected Christ. His answer was, "It is not Christ I reject, it is your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
I ran across an article that a mom wrote about her daughter who works at a local diner. She talked about how Sunday's were notoriously her daughter's lowest tip day by far. The mom wasn't necessarily complaining about her daughter not getting much in tips but was merely pointing out the fact that Christians aren't generous.
I'm speaking equally to myself as I write this, convicted by the fact that I often make the excuse of being a college student as the reason why I am not a generous tipper. This is just one small example but it is these daily decisions and actions that reveal our hearts and reflect who or what it is that we really worship. How often I find myself hoarding "my money" when really money is just a tool and resource God has graciously given me to use for His glory. It isn't really mine but you wouldn't know that looking at the way I chose to spend (or not spend) it. Every decision, every tip, every conversation should be used to make much of Him.
"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:4-5
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
"Cancer is the best thing that ever happened to me" - Zac Smith Story
Zac Smith is now with Jesus. He didn't waste his life and he didn't waste his cancer.
This final line gave me chills, “If God chooses to heal me, then God is God and God is good. If God chooses not to heal me and allows me to die, God is still God and God is still good. To God be the glory.”
What a powerful and incredible testimony to God's faithfulness in the midst of heart-breaking circumstances.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and uphold you with My righteous hand." Isaiah 41:10
Read this on Holly McRae's blog, the mother of sweet little Kate whose fighting the vicious battle of brain cancer. What an example this woman is of God's goodness and trust in the midst of life's heartbreak and pain. Only a woman whose faith is rooted deep in the gospel and not in circumstance could have a response like this. This kind of faith causes others to wonder where her hope lies- who is it that she trust? There is no God like our God. Who provides comfort, hope, endurance, and perseverance for this life because our hope lies in the One who has conquered death and will one day make all things new again.
One of the things that I would have marked near the top of a list that I would pray we would never encounter, we were now forced to face. But thankfully not alone. I don't know if scripture has ever held greater comfort, if it's truth has ever been more desired by our family than now. We can no longer face tomorrow in simply our own strength. When your child faces cancer of this magnitude it is simply more than you can bear, without Jesus. I know many have told us that God will never give you more than you can handle. I smile and know this is more than I can handle. However, I wonder if it could mean that He will give us what we need to handle that which alone we couldn't.
The day is bittersweet, as most days are now. My heart is continuously grieving what was and learning how to not fear what tomorrow holds. To not imagine what life without our precious Kate would be like. To not be paralyzed by fear. It is difficult beyond words. Never has it been more of a challenge to put truth into practice. But we know that is where our hope lies. Living out the truth we know and believe.
Despite the anguish of some days, each day is also filled with joy. Times of laughter, late night talks, snuggling on the couch, hope and milestones reached. The milestones have changed, but they are milestones none the less. And they are worth celebrating. Kate has made amazing strides over the past 10 ½ months. Even her hair coming in feels like it is the beginning of some things new. So we are slowly learning to live between heartbreak and hope. Heartbreak because Kate is our daughter, our daughter we would readily give our lives for. And yet we can't take this from her, or take it for her. We must watch her endure things that we can’t rescue her from, merely walk through with her. And so we are relearning our role as her parents. Not simply to rescue her and protect her from everything (as much as we would like to) but to guide her, teach her and love her endlessly through things. Part of the joy and struggle of being a mother, of being a parent.
I don't know why God allows cancer. Man has historically been desperate to determine the why behind suffering. Something the Bible does is put suffering in a global context. In Romans 8:18-25 the apostle Paul addresses the questions of if I'm going to suffer what is the meaning of my suffering in this moment? Stepping back to the much bigger question of why is there suffering in our world?
Paul says if we embrace Jesus as our treasure in this life we will inherit the same thing Jesus inherits. Provided we suffer with Him we will be glorified with Him. The pathway to glory is suffering (v. 17) and verses 18-25 promises us that its worth it. Paul puts suffering in a global context and it is SO crucial that we have a head and a heart that can embrace this teaching because we will bail on Christianity in the moment of suffering if we don't.
No one suffers more than the disciples. Paul? Lifetime of suffering. Jesus? Lifetime of suffering.
But one day...creation itself will be set free!
One of the things that I would have marked near the top of a list that I would pray we would never encounter, we were now forced to face. But thankfully not alone. I don't know if scripture has ever held greater comfort, if it's truth has ever been more desired by our family than now. We can no longer face tomorrow in simply our own strength. When your child faces cancer of this magnitude it is simply more than you can bear, without Jesus. I know many have told us that God will never give you more than you can handle. I smile and know this is more than I can handle. However, I wonder if it could mean that He will give us what we need to handle that which alone we couldn't.
The day is bittersweet, as most days are now. My heart is continuously grieving what was and learning how to not fear what tomorrow holds. To not imagine what life without our precious Kate would be like. To not be paralyzed by fear. It is difficult beyond words. Never has it been more of a challenge to put truth into practice. But we know that is where our hope lies. Living out the truth we know and believe.
Despite the anguish of some days, each day is also filled with joy. Times of laughter, late night talks, snuggling on the couch, hope and milestones reached. The milestones have changed, but they are milestones none the less. And they are worth celebrating. Kate has made amazing strides over the past 10 ½ months. Even her hair coming in feels like it is the beginning of some things new. So we are slowly learning to live between heartbreak and hope. Heartbreak because Kate is our daughter, our daughter we would readily give our lives for. And yet we can't take this from her, or take it for her. We must watch her endure things that we can’t rescue her from, merely walk through with her. And so we are relearning our role as her parents. Not simply to rescue her and protect her from everything (as much as we would like to) but to guide her, teach her and love her endlessly through things. Part of the joy and struggle of being a mother, of being a parent.
I don't know why God allows cancer. Man has historically been desperate to determine the why behind suffering. Something the Bible does is put suffering in a global context. In Romans 8:18-25 the apostle Paul addresses the questions of if I'm going to suffer what is the meaning of my suffering in this moment? Stepping back to the much bigger question of why is there suffering in our world?
Paul says if we embrace Jesus as our treasure in this life we will inherit the same thing Jesus inherits. Provided we suffer with Him we will be glorified with Him. The pathway to glory is suffering (v. 17) and verses 18-25 promises us that its worth it. Paul puts suffering in a global context and it is SO crucial that we have a head and a heart that can embrace this teaching because we will bail on Christianity in the moment of suffering if we don't.
No one suffers more than the disciples. Paul? Lifetime of suffering. Jesus? Lifetime of suffering.
But one day...creation itself will be set free!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Lucky are the unlucky
Up until a few years ago, people with physical and mental disabilities used to make me really uncomfortable. My family can attest to this. Whenever anyone with a disability would walk into a restaurant I would immediately lose my appetite. All I could see was the brokenness on the outside.
The Sermon on the Mount where Jesus preaches on the Beatitudes teach this truth: lucky are the unlucky. The Beatitudes go against everything we pursue and believe in- blessed are the strong, blessed are the wealthy, blessed are the powerful, blessed are the liberators, blessed are the triumphant. But in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus says if an enemy soldier slaps you, turn the other cheek. Rejoice in persecution. Be grateful for your poverty. Essentially Jesus says "How lucky are the unlucky!" In the Beatitudes, Jesus promises that these rewards lay somewhere in future but the more I learn the more I realize that the Beatitudes describe the present as well as the future. Philip Yancey says in his book The Jesus I Never Knew that he does not view the Beatitudes as patronizing slogans, but as profound insights into the mystery of human existence. "God's kingdom turns the tables upside down. The poor, the hungry, the mourners, and oppressed truly are blessed. Not because of their miserable states of course- rather, they are blessed because of an innate advantage they hold over those that are self-sufficient." (Pg. 116).
Henri Nouwen, a priest who used to teach at Harvard University, moved to a community called Daybreak near Toronto at the height of his career in order to take on the demanding chores required by his friendship with a man named Adam. Adam is a 25-year-old man who can't speak, cannot dress himself, cannot walk or eat without help. He does not cry or laugh. His back is distorted, his arms and leg movements are twisted and he suffers from severe epilepsy. Nouwen writes, "It takes me about an hour and a half to wake Adam up, give him his medication, carry him into his bath, wash him, shave him, clean his teeth, dress him, walk him to the kitchen give him his breakfast, put him in his wheelchair and bring him to the place where he spends most of his day with therapeutic exercises."
Philip Yancey writes about a time where he went to visit Nouwen in Toronto and had doubts about whether this was the best use of this man's time...he thought couldn't someone else take care of Adam because Nouwen has much to offer the world. When Yancey voiced this to Nouwen himself, he informed him that he had completely misinterpreted what was going on. "I am not giving up anything," he insisted. "It is I, not Adam, who gets the main benefit from our friendship. Adam has taught me that what makes us human is not our mind but our heart. Not our ability to think but our ability to love." From Adam's simple nature, he had glimpsed the "emptiness" necessary before one can be filled by God. Nouwen said he was enjoying a new kind of peace, acquired not within the walls of Harvard but by the bedside of Adam.
At the Reality King's and Queen's Dance on Saturday night I saw what Jesus meant by the Sermon on the Mount. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God. In the Great Reversal of God's kingdom, prosperous saints are very rare. It's not that the poor are more virtuous than anyone else, but they are less likely to pretend to be virtuous. They are more naturally dependent, because they have no choice; they must depend on others simply to survive. In summary, through no choice of their own these people find themselves in a posture that befits the grace of God. In their state of neediness and dependence they welcome God's free gift of love. Their security rests not in things but on people.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Ruthless Trust
Right now I'm reading Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning (same author who wrote Raggamuffin Gospel) and its been awesome! I loved Raggamuffin Gospel but I might like this book even more. Here are two excerpts that I really like:
When the brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh went to work for three months at the "house of the dying" in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer as to how to best spend the rest of his life. On the first morning there he met Mother Teresa. She asked, "What can I do for you?" Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him. "What do you want me to pray for?" He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles from the United States: "Pray that I will have clarity." She said firmly, "No, I will not do that." When he asked her why, she said, "Clarity is the last thing that you are clinging to and must let go of." When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God."
"Craving clarity, we attempt to eliminate risk of trusting God. Fear of the unknown path stretching ahead of us destroys childlike trust in the Father's active goodness and unrestricted love."
This book has been really convicting to me because so often I find myself praying for clarity or understanding in a situation. And when I think God has answered my prayer what I mean is that He has answered it according to my own desire. I know that sometimes I can't see how the thing granted is at all what I desire. And yet it is. For, after all, what the deepest part of me truly desires is not my will, but the will of the Father. It is not clarity that I need, it is trust. The challenge to actually trust God forces me to deconstruct what I have spent my life constructing, to stop clutching whatever it is I am so afraid of losing. Jim Cymbala says this in Fresh Faith, "The great battle of our spiritual lives is 'Will you believe?' It is not 'Will you try harder?' or 'Can you make yourself worthy?' It is squarely a matter of believing that God will do what only He can do...He's looking for faith so strong that it will anchor on His Word and wait for Him, the One who makes everything beautiful in its time."
I read stories in the Old Testament and marvel at Israel's terrible infidelity and direct disobedience to God. I see how quickly Israel runs to idols and think I would never bow down and worship a golden statue. Yet I do. Every single day. I worship convenience and comfort. I bow down to ease. I make an idol out of God's blessings. Yet the crazy thing that still blows my mind every day is that He still loves me! How amazing is this- God loves me KNOWING my future. This idea is hard to grasp until we personalize it. Would I love anyone with such fervor and unrestrained selflessness if I knew that person would betray me in just a few short days, months, or years? How could I love somebody if I know that love will be taken for granted, forgotten, rejected, and even scorned? Would I marry a man if I absolutely knew all his flaws, if I knew that he would live adulterously, that he would divorce me and marry another, that he wasn't completely committed and wouldn't love me in return? Yet, here God is, loving us DESPITE our future. His love is so deep it really is incomprehensible. How could you not want to know a God like that?!
When the brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh went to work for three months at the "house of the dying" in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer as to how to best spend the rest of his life. On the first morning there he met Mother Teresa. She asked, "What can I do for you?" Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him. "What do you want me to pray for?" He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles from the United States: "Pray that I will have clarity." She said firmly, "No, I will not do that." When he asked her why, she said, "Clarity is the last thing that you are clinging to and must let go of." When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God."
"Craving clarity, we attempt to eliminate risk of trusting God. Fear of the unknown path stretching ahead of us destroys childlike trust in the Father's active goodness and unrestricted love."
This book has been really convicting to me because so often I find myself praying for clarity or understanding in a situation. And when I think God has answered my prayer what I mean is that He has answered it according to my own desire. I know that sometimes I can't see how the thing granted is at all what I desire. And yet it is. For, after all, what the deepest part of me truly desires is not my will, but the will of the Father. It is not clarity that I need, it is trust. The challenge to actually trust God forces me to deconstruct what I have spent my life constructing, to stop clutching whatever it is I am so afraid of losing. Jim Cymbala says this in Fresh Faith, "The great battle of our spiritual lives is 'Will you believe?' It is not 'Will you try harder?' or 'Can you make yourself worthy?' It is squarely a matter of believing that God will do what only He can do...He's looking for faith so strong that it will anchor on His Word and wait for Him, the One who makes everything beautiful in its time."
I read stories in the Old Testament and marvel at Israel's terrible infidelity and direct disobedience to God. I see how quickly Israel runs to idols and think I would never bow down and worship a golden statue. Yet I do. Every single day. I worship convenience and comfort. I bow down to ease. I make an idol out of God's blessings. Yet the crazy thing that still blows my mind every day is that He still loves me! How amazing is this- God loves me KNOWING my future. This idea is hard to grasp until we personalize it. Would I love anyone with such fervor and unrestrained selflessness if I knew that person would betray me in just a few short days, months, or years? How could I love somebody if I know that love will be taken for granted, forgotten, rejected, and even scorned? Would I marry a man if I absolutely knew all his flaws, if I knew that he would live adulterously, that he would divorce me and marry another, that he wasn't completely committed and wouldn't love me in return? Yet, here God is, loving us DESPITE our future. His love is so deep it really is incomprehensible. How could you not want to know a God like that?!
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