"I’m afraid the first step is a hard one,” said the Spirit. “But after that you’ll go on like a house of fire. You will become solid enough for Michael to perceive you when you learn to want someone else besides Michael. I don’t say ‘more than Michael,’ not as a beginning. That will come later. It’s only the little germ of desire for God that we need to start the process.”
“Oh, you mean religion and all that sort of thing? This is hardly the moment…and from you, of all people. Well, never mind. I’ll do whatever’s necessary. What do you want me to do? Come on. The sooner I begin it, the sooner they’ll let me see my boy. I’m quite ready.”
“But, Pam, do think! Don’t you see you are not beginning at all as long as you are in that state of mind? You’re treating God only as a means to Michael. But the whole thickening treatment consists in learning to want God for His own sake.”
“You wouldn’t talk like that if you were a Mother.”
“You mean, if I were only a mother. But there is no such thing as being only a mother. You exist as Michael’s mother only because you first exist as God’s creature. That relation is older and closer. No, listen, Pam! He also loves. He also has suffered. He also has waited a long time.”(The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis)
Even though I am not a mother there is still so much to this that reflects my life. I look at God only as a means to an end...usually the end meaning His blessings and favor in my life on my terms, the way I want. So instead of running the race to get the prize, I toss in a prize just to run the race. Good thing His love isn't based on my performance...He wants us exactly as we are.
