The Great Divorce

"I’m afraid the first step is a hard one,” said the Spirit. “But after that you’ll go on like a house of fire. You will become solid enough for Michael to perceive you when you learn to want someone else besides Michael. I don’t say ‘more than Michael,’ not as a beginning. That will come later. It’s only the little germ of desire for God that we need to start the process.”

“Oh, you mean religion and all that sort of thing? This is hardly the moment…and from you, of all people. Well, never mind. I’ll do whatever’s necessary. What do you want me to do? Come on. The sooner I begin it, the sooner they’ll let me see my boy. I’m quite ready.”

“But, Pam, do think! Don’t you see you are not beginning at all as long as you are in that state of mind? You’re treating God only as a means to Michael. But the whole thickening treatment consists in learning to want God for His own sake.”

“You wouldn’t talk like that if you were a Mother.”

“You mean, if I were only a mother. But there is no such thing as being only a mother. You exist as Michael’s mother only because you first exist as God’s creature. That relation is older and closer. No, listen, Pam! He also loves. He also has suffered. He also has waited a long time.”(The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis)

Even though I am not a mother there is still so much to this that reflects my life. I look at God only as a means to an end...usually the end meaning His blessings and favor in my life on my terms, the way I want. So instead of running the race to get the prize, I toss in a prize just to run the race. Good thing His love isn't based on my performance...He wants us exactly as we are.

"may I be defined by more of Your beauty and less by my brokenness"

Most of the time the approval or rejection from people has more sway over my heart than what Jesus thinks about me. My passion to be right is often more compelling than the good news of being righteous in Christ. Controlling my circumstances claims more of my time and energy than seeking His face.

Read this prayer on a blog titled "Heavenward" and it really spoke to my heart:

"Jesus, liberate me from thinking about the next thing, so I can be present in the current moment and conversation. May people, not projects be my greater concern and joy each day. Help me to make better eye contact and heart connection with those you give me to love. Help me to be less timid around strangers more intrigued with new people I meet.

Help me to use less words and more listening when engaging others. Turn my hair-trigger reactions into slower, wiser responses. Please unshackle me from the illusion of control and my commitment to a pain-free heart. Loving well always involves risk and pain.

Jesus, break even more of the chains of my insecurities. Please unfetter me from thinking too much about what I’m not… by showing me more of you and who I am in you. May I be defined more by your beauty and less by my brokenness."

May we love loudly

Below are a few quotes from the book "Jesus for President" by Shaine Claiborne. His views are pretty radical and might offend some people but the man radiates love and seeks to challenge the way we view freedom. Our culture usually describes freedom as "freedom from" but "freedom from" is really no definition of freedom at all. This view of freedom only pushes us farther into external things so we run to what is tangible and what we can hold on to. We run to find our identity and value there...but really it is much to shallow and broken for us.

"Once upon a time there were no kings or presidents. Only God was king. The Bible is the story of a God who is continually rescuing humanity from the messes we make of the world. God is bringing the kingdom of heaven to earth. God is leading humans on an exodus adventure out of the land of emperors and kings and into the Promised Land.”

“Over and over, the people [of Israel] settled for the empty promises of empire over the eternal dreams of God. But God is relentless. God pursued, forgave, wooed them back, as a Lover.”

“So even as we see the horror of death, may we be reminded that in the end, love wins. Mercy triumphs. Life is more powerful than death. And even those who have committed great violence can have the image of God come to life again within them as they hear the whisper of love. May the whisper of love grow louder than the thunder of violence. May we love loudly.”

unbelief

"Lord, I believe. Help me in my unbelief."

This is a prayer I feel like I pray often, if not daily. I'm learning that so much of the things I struggle with are rooted in basic unbelief.

I don't mean that I won't face any trials if I simply believe, because thats not at all what Jesus promises. What I am saying is that my discontent, worry, anxiousness, jealously, and fear is often rooted in basic unbelief.

Unbelief that delight in God is really better. Unbelief that I have been freed from bondage to sin. Unbelief that God really is going to do what He has promised.

The hard part is not believing IN Christ, it is BELIEVING Christ.

"Christians do not say, 'I do not understand you at all, but I trust you anyway.' Rather we say, 'I do not understand you in this situation, but I understand why I trust you anyway. Therefore I can trust that you understand even though I don't.' If we do not know why we trust God in the beginning, then we will always need to know exactly what God is doing in order to trust Him. Failing to grasp that, we may not be able to continue trusting Him, for anything we do not understand may count decisively against what we are able to trust.

If on the other hand, we do know why we trust God, we will be able to trust Him in situations where we do not understand what He is doing...Faith does not know 'why' in terms of the immediate, but it knows why it trusts God in terms of the ultimate." (Be Still My Soul)

"He will do us good, real good, lasting good, only good, every good. He will make us good, and this is to do us good to the highest degree" insists Charles Spurgeon.

God's priority is to make us good-which is our best good.

The proof of His goodness is at the cross. The guarantee of His goodness in the resurrection.

I believe; God, help me overcome my unbelief. I believe; Jesus help me live like I believe for I know my Redeemer lives.

Far too easily pleased...

songs in the night!

Any fool can sing in the day. When the cup is full, man draws inspiration from it; when wealth rolls in abundance around him, any man can sing to the praise of a God who gives a plenteous harvest. It is easy to sing when we can read the notes by daylight; but the skillful singer is he who can sing when there is not a ray of light by read by- who sings from his heart, and not from a book that he can see, because he has no means of reading, save from that inward book of his own living spirit, whence notes of gratitude pour out in songs of praise. No man can make a song in the night himself. The Christian gets his songs from God: God gives him inspiration, and teaches him how to sing: "God my Maker, who giveth songs in the night."

So, then, poor Christian, thou needest not to go pumping up thy poor heart to make it glad. Go to thy Maker and ask Him to give thee a song in the night. Thou art a poor dry well: thou hast heard it said, that when a pump is dry, you must pour water down it first of all, and then you will get some up; and so, Christian, when thou art dry, go to God, ask Him to pour some joy down thee, and then thou wilt get some joy up from thine own heart. Do not go to this comforter or that, for you will find them Job's comforters, after all; but go thou first and foremost to thy Maker, for he is the great composer of songs and teacher of music; he it is who can teach thee how to sing: "God, my Maker, who giveth me songs in the night!"

It is not natural to sing in trouble- "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me bless his holy name:" for that is a daylight song. But it was a divine song which Habakkuk sang, when in the night he said- "Though the fig-tree shall not blossom…yet will I trust in the Lord."
Songs in the night come only from God; they are not in the power of man because usually in the night of a Christian's experience God is his only song.

(Charles Spurgeon, Song in the Night pg. 171)

walking on water

As summer draws to a close it is a crazy feeling knowing that this might be my last (gulp) "real" summer. I start my senior year of college in exactly 22 days. I know people always say time flies but I feel like college has given that saying a whole new meaning. I feel like this is a time of my life I wish I could just freeze because I have the best group of friends and community in Chapel Hill. I feel so unbelievably blessed with friends who love Jesus and each other so well.
What am I going to be doing after college you ask? I don't know, but He does. I obsess about the future because I get anxious, and anxiety is simply living out the future before it gets here. The most important things in life center around WHO we are, not where we are.

I have to plan but I also have to remember that men plan but ultimately it's the Lord's purposes that prevails. His, not mine. He will place me exactly where He wants me so I can rest and experience peace in the face of life-changing decisions. It might not be exactly what I had in mind, but as long as I am seeking Him I can be confident that He's already determined how to fit my choices into His sovereign will.
God's teaching me to become more comfortable in the unknown, knowing that for the Lord, there is no such thing as unknown. What a mighty God we serve!

"We must renounce our sinful desires to know the future and to be in control. We are not gods. We walk by faith, not by sight. We risk because God does not risk. We walk into the future in God-glorifying confidence, not because the future is known to us but because it is known to God. And that's all we need to know. Worry about the future is not simply a character tic, it is the sin of unbelief, an indication that our hearts are not resting in the promises of God...So the end of the matter is this: Live for God. Obey the Scriptures. Think of others before yourself. Love Jesus. And as you do these things, do whatever else you like, with whomever you like, wherever you like, and you'll be walking in the will of God." Kevin DeYoung